top of page

The Secret to Becoming the Person You Want to Be

There are endless resources from self-help books, to podcasts, to seminars that promise they have the answers to help you become the best version of yourself. While all of these avenues might help you get there, I think there's one simple way you can become the person you're longing to be: Start showing up as her. Show up every day as if you are already the person you want to become. In your mind, you've already reached the level of success (e.g., the career, the marriage, the body, etc.) that you're aspiring to. The first step to changing who you are, is to change your mindset. Changing your habits and behaviors are hard work, but the real challenge is getting your mental space to align with your aspirations and that lies within your identity. Once you've decided that your identity is no longer the current you, but is instead the future ideal you, changing your behaviors will be easier.

The benefits of showing up as your ideal self:

By showing up as your best self as if you've already accomplished your goals and like you're living your dream life, you will build those good and necessary habits that are required to reach this level. You will start to become this person. The subconscious mind doesn't know the difference between what you've already achieved and what you're working to achieve so when you show up as this best version of yourself all of the time, eventually your mind will start to believe that you are that person.

How to start showing up as your best self:

If you're an entrepreneur, the first thing that marketers tell you to do is to describe your dream client in detail. You should know everything about her/him -- their age, their marital status, where they shop, their level of education, etc. Think of this exercise as if you're describing your dream client, but instead of it being in business, it's you in your own life. You can even give this ideal version of yourself an alter-ego name. Every time you start to doubt yourself, pump yourself up by saying, "I'm (insert alter-ego name) and I can do this!" or "What would (alter-ego name) do?" If you're having trouble thinking of a name, check out this list of alter-ego names (I'm still trying to decide on mine).

To start showing up as your best self, you first need to identify who your best self is. You can do this by asking yourself how your best self would act in every aspect of your life. Below are some examples of questions to ask yourself to find out who your best self is. There are no right or wrong answers here and no answer is too big or too small. Everyone's answers to these questions will be different based on what you value and what's important to building your best self and dream life.

  • What are her daily habits or what does her ideal day look like? What kind of habits does your ideal self have? Does she wake up at 5am or 7am? Does she prioritize exercising? Does she stay organized with a planner? How many hours per day does she work? Does she drink enough water?

  • Who does she surround herself with? Does she hang out with people who she's known forever simply because they have a shared past? Does she hang out with people who have the same goals and interests as her? Does she hang out with people who are successful? How do the people she hangs out with make her feel?

  • Where does she hang out? Does she spend time at the gym? At a non-profit volunteering? At the library? At the mall? At home? With friends?

  • What kind of food does she put in her body? Does she cook her own food regularly? Does she eat fast food? How many times a week does she go out to eat? Are there any foods that are off limits to her?

  • What does she do in her free time? Does she binge Netflix? Does she work on a side hustle? Does she spend time outdoors hiking or indoors reading? How often does she drink alcohol? Does she spend time nurturing her spirituality? Does she travel?

  • What does she talk about? Does she gossip about others? Does she talk about the news and current events? Does she talk about her dreams and ambitions? Does she discuss complex ideas or people?

  • What does she look like? How does she dress? What's her style? What makes her feel comfortable?

Your Action Steps:

  1. Write down your answers to the questions above. If any other questions arise that relate to your best self during this exercise, feel free to write those down and answer those as well.

  2. For each question you answer, see if you can break up your answer into smaller, actionable steps or habits that you can implement in your daily life. For example, let's say you answered that your ideal self cooks at home regularly in response to the question: "What kind of food does she put in her body?" You could make your answer into an actionable habit by saying that your best self (AKA: you) meal preps twice per week and only eats out twice per week. If you do this to all of your answers, you'll have a whole list of actionable steps that you can take to become your best self.

  3. Reflect on the list you made in step #2 and start showing up as your best self! After weeks or maybe months of practicing these new habits, you will be that much closer to becoming the person you envision.

I've heard the advice to start showing up as the person you want to be from multiple mentors I follow such as Manifestation Babe and Natalie Bacon. I always thought, "Okay great, but how do I start showing up as her?" I hope that the questions I shared with you in this post serve as a helpful exercise to start discovering who your best self is and how to start showing up as her.

Your gal,



Hi, thanks for stopping by!

I'm Kayla -- the face behind these posts, carb lover, homebody, cat mom, and book addict.

Get on the Intentional List!

Thanks for submitting!

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
bottom of page